So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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