His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize