i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
