so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
