Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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