Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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