dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Randomize
