Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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