I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
