return my video game
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
