Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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