i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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