five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
