I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm just crazy horny about you
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
