I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
