Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
