I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
There's always time for handjobs
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize