So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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