lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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