I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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