you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
