does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
