Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
