Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Welp...herpes.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
