Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
