hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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