He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
