I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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