You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
