I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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