so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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