So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
sex in a hospital.. check
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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