You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
