a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
