Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
