Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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