so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
