btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
