3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
