my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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