she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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