i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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