I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
