Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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