pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
