I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
