Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
