why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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