you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
