my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
