shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
