Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
