her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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