It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
