remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize