When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
