I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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