Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
