Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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