my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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