finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
