hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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