1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
