i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize