I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
