Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
