I murdered the dance floor call the cops
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
