shes about as inviting as chlamydia
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Enjoy the penises
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
