i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
