Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I need a beard to bite.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
