You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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