He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
