Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
