I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
