is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
