How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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