wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
