I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
