I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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