I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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