I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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