dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
he shaved USA in his pubs
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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