i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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