i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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