1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize