Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
