If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
