so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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