clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
