Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
