My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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