I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
