eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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