Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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