We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize