dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
