On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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