Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
