he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
