I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
