did you get engaged???
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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