OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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