Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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