I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
