Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
