Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Holy sore nipples Batman
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
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