onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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