I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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