I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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