How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
