Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
