first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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