if you like me you must not know who I am
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
