Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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