so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
